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holes

from how to talk by susie derkins

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lyrics

you look at me like i am a problem
that must be erased to be solved
i can admit that i'm built of bad habits
but still i don't know what i've done wrong at all
let down quietly, but not easy
your expectations wrapped around my throat
signals that send me in circles
until i don't know where you want me to go

i don't show you the holes in my fingers
'cause they're not something to brag about
i don't smile as much as i used to
'cause i keep dreaming that my teeth all fell out

i'm always getting myself into things that are bad
for the person i wanna be
do i have a say in what matters
do i get to pick and choose who hurts me
how do i learn to stop accepting
everything i am given
and how can you fix your own life
without feeling like such a bad friend

i don't show you the holes in my shoes
'cause i've been walking more than i want to
and i don't tell you that i'm feeling used
i think you know i've been using you too

and we're not sure if we're growing up or growing apart
is it still growing if it makes you feel this small
there are no excuses left in me
and i can't fix what i'm pretending not to see
leaving bad tastes like breadcrumbs that i forgot to track
i always leave by making sure i can never come back.

credits

from how to talk, released November 13, 2020

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susie derkins Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

r.i.p. 2016 - 2020 <3

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